Opening Morning?

Eat a dick, Bud.

That's all I have to say to the esteemed baseball commissioner after the latest debacle to hit his sport (no, not the Mets but I'll mention them in a few).

For some reason, the Milwaukee powers (I'm including him and his wig as two people) that be thought it would be a great idea to start the regular season A) while spring training was still going on, B) in Tokyo, and C) in the middle of the fucking night of the fanbases.

You don't see this in any other major sport. Look at the NFL. You have that Thursday night game (which I hate btw) that stands alone before the other games on Sunday. The NBA started on Christmas. All for the same reason: when the season starts, THE SEASON FUCKING STARTS.  All exhibition games should be done. And not only that, but when the Mariners and A's are stateside again, they go BACK to playing Cactus League games. Are you fucking kidding me?

Here's my second point: I'm not a fan of major sports playing outside North America. What's the point? Do I need to see MLB in Japan or the NFL in England?  WHY? They're not going to be opening up shop there so what's the point? And with Bud Selig, the answer is always the same: $.

And speaking of $$$$$, you don't think the A's wouldn't mind getting the receipts for an Opening Day game? It's the one game that everyone sells out. You don't think the Coliseum employees would like to get paid for another day? Last I checked, the economy could use a bit of help and Oakland could use the boosted attendance.

Which leads me to my third point: if you're going to schedule a game outside of either fanbase's timezone, do it when the fans can watch.  It was 3 a.m. in Seattle and Oakland when the game started. Outside of the lazy hippies and gangbangers in those cities, no one was up at that time to watch the game.


If I'm Bud Selig, I would be more concerned with the fact that you just had to save a franchise in LA while the same problem is happening to his buddy in New York. He has has much bigger fish to fry than making sure Ichiro gets a hero's welcome in Japan.

Fix your sport and stop playing favorites, you toupee-wearing, sausage racing, clueless fuck.

But nooooooooooooooooo

I was going to comment on the latest Mets news, but I decided to leave it to those who do it better.

Instead, I'm going in a different direction. After just re-reading the outstanding 2002 history of "Saturday Night Live", it made me wonder who would make up my Mount Rushmore of SNL performers.





1. Eddie Murphy. A no-brainer. The absolute best all-around performer in the history of the show. Mr. Robinson, Gumby, Buckwheat, Velvet Jones, the list goes on and on.

2. John Belushi. I have to pay tribute to the original cast and with all due respect to Dan Aykroyd, I'm going with Belushi. From the Samurai to Joe Cocker to The Godfather, Belushi was amazing.

3. Dana Carvey. I don't think he ever got credit for what he brought to the show in the mid-80s renaissance. The Church Lady, Bush, Hans, Garth, etc... Carvey was the MVP of an amazing ensemble.

4. Will Ferrell. I could have gone in a couple different directions here but I felt like honoring one from each era, and who better from the late 90s/early 00s than Ferrell? Great enough to have two "Best of" DVDs.

There's my list. What say you guys?

The Numbers Don't Lie

With the recent passing of Gary Carter, it got me thinking about the numbers retired by the Mets: 37 for Casey Stengel, 14 for Gil Hodges, and 41 for Tom Seaver. Does Kid deserve the same honor?

If you look at the numbers, probably not. He had two solid years in Flushing before his career started to go south. Does he really belong there with Seaver? Does he "deserve" it before Piazza? Before Hernandez, Gooden, Strawberry, et al?

On the flip side, I always felt that Carter's worth was beyond the statistics he put up as a Met. A true leader in every sense of the word. And not for nothing but if we're so hung up on Carter's stats in NY, remember that Stengel was a joke and that Hodges only had three winning seasons as Mets manager. By that rationale, Davey Johnson should have the fucking stadium named after him.

Retired numbers are a tricky issue. The Padres retired 6 for Steve Garvey and 35 for Randy Jones. Do they really belong there with Winfield, Gwynn, and Hoffman? If a team like the Padres honored players who won NOTHING for them, why can't a storied franchise (yeah I said it) like the Mets honor their winners like Johnson, Carter, Hernandez, Gooden, and Strawberry?

The Mets are in a no-win situation here. If they do nothing, they're seen as heartless bastards. If they retire 8, they're seen as opportunistic since they had chances to retire it years ago.

VERDICT: I'd like to see them retire the number. This is a franchise that built a statue for a player who never wore the orange & blue so I don't think it's too much to ask to honor one of their own. A great Met and even better man.

I know they're going to do something to honor him, I just hope they do right by someone who always did right by everyone else.